| An update...are you shocked?!? |
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| 09:26pm 04/12/2007 |
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So I realized why I never come on here...LiveJournal was a place that I always attached to Jen...and without her it just doesn't feel right. But in wanting to read some of her old posts I logged on and realized people still use this site :)
So here is an update on me.
I am still at the same Credit Union, but now I am a Personal Financial Representive, who also does loans. Me and Brandon are still together and actually we are buying a house...should close on it next week! I'm excited!
We have had our ups and downs, as does everyone. But the love between us is so strong, no matter what I know I will love being with him for the rest of my life.
So I will try to come on here randomly and update...if anyone wants to, you can message me and I will try to get back with you soon.
Take Care!!
Ash |
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shooting star |
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| wow it has been a while |
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| 04:39pm 18/06/2006 |
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mood:  excited
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So okay, here's the post that was requested.
Life right now is absolutely wonderful.
I am still with Brandon and things are actually great. He lives about an hour away from me and we see each other probably four days out of the week. Much better than every other weekend.
I recently financed a 2000 Ford Mustang GT Convertible. Its a beauty! And pretty fast too :)
I am still living in the same spot as before, and working as a bank teller until I can find a different career or a different place to work. (while attending school this fall)
I don't really post updates or check livejournal anymore, but you can find me on myspace under the s/n dazational :)
L8R All and God Bless,
Ash |
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shooting star |
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| love again |
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| 09:16pm 30/11/2005 |
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Me and Brandon are back together, funny thing is...you could read through my journal and it would have tons of postings about me and him, some good and some pretty bad. But I love him, I really do. I'm happy to have him, I just..love him, and can't help it. He makes me happy. And he really did break up because he thought I deserved better and other people seem to think the same, but I want him, not some other guy. It will work if we want it to, but we both have to give a lil and all that jazz. I love him!!!!! |
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1 wish shooting star |
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| I don't know what to do really. |
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| 06:56pm 06/11/2005 |
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mood:  confused
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So yeah this is weird...and new to me
I love him, I miss him and I just wish he'd grow up.
I want to get over him if thats what I have to do.
I want to be able to love someone else, if I can't love him.
I want to hear him say that I'm not the one for him, unless I am
I want to be the one for him and vice versa.
But if its not gonna ever work then I just want to know that.
I know I'm being stupid...and really...
It probably won't ever work
He's told me this, but tells me he loves me too..
I just don't know what to do...I love him, but I know it won't work like this..so why am I hoping that he'll change when he says he won't?
HOW STUPID CAN I BE?!?!?!?!? |
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1 wish shooting star |
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| 09:16pm 30/10/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative
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1. FIRST NAME
Ashley
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Just my middle name, Layne after my daddy
3. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Yes, without thinking
4. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Butter DUH
5. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
last night, while chatting with my ex's bro's fiance. :( I miss them
6. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
nope
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Honey, spiraled cut ham
8. ANY BAD HABITS?
Tons, but none that really annoy me..LoL
9. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
N'Sync
10. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably not.
11. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
I'm a girl..so yes
12. DO LOOKS MATTER?
yes, until you get to know the person..cuz then either they are even better or alot worse
13. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Venting to close friends, Singing
14. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Well it was Brandon's parents' house, but now I don't know...Nan's maybe
15. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Not so much anymore
16. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
My Alf doll
17. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS?
All the higher level Math courses, even though I loved them
18. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?
this one and another, that I barely write in anymore
19. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
All the time!
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Yes, and was protected by my dear guy friends :):):)
21. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Someone who loves me for me and will love God even more!
22. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Ash, Ashwee, Tiger Princess (don't ask..LoL)
23. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Yeah, you buyin?
24. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
You don't have to untie flip flops! DUH
25. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS?
Yeah, even when I don't believe what I'm saying
28. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Purple, Gray, Green, Black
29. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
I dunno, they all are pretty dumb to me
30. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Brandon...and his ENTIRE family
31. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I don't care
33. LAST THING YOU ATE?
BBQ Sandwich from DQ
34. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Amanda Kay
35. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN a guy/girl
their eyes
36. DO YOU LOVE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS?
Don't really know Waverly too well..although she came close to being a roomie
37. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Not very good...sad, mad, confused A HORRIBLE combination
38. FAVORITE DRINK?
Coke
40. Favorite sport?
Football
42. EYE COLOR?
blue
43. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
yes
44. SIBLINGS?
Amanda and Jill
45. FAVORITE MONTH?
December
46. FAVORITE FOOD?
CHICKEN
47. LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED?
desperate housewives...RIGHT NOW
48. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Not sure
49. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Yes, to me thats the guy's job
50. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter
51. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs!!!
52. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships
53. WOULD YOU DIE FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE?
Yes, no questions
54. WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU?
Wanting to be around that person no matter what, not being able to picture yourself without that person, the good old saying "they complete you"
55. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT TATTOOS?
Tats are nice if you REALLY have a reason to get a certain one..just don't cover your entire body |
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shooting star |
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| Stay gone |
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| 04:28pm 30/10/2005 |
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Can't he just stay in Orlando and me never worry about seeing him?!
Thats all.. |
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shooting star |
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| random facts about me |
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| 03:51pm 22/10/2005 |
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mood:  calm
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Things I miss:
I miss him
I miss his family
I miss being one of two
I miss feeling wanted by someone I love
I miss having that phone call to look forward to
I miss the idea of having him here with me..(one week away from when he was coming back)
Things I'm looking forward to:
Discovering what God has for me
Discovering WHO God has for me
Seeing what happens to him, and if he changes
Moving out of Palatka
Getting a new job
Going to Haiti again
Things that amuse me:
Sarcasm
Random attention from guys
Friends who don't let you get sad
His family's reactions
Angry people who call VBTS
My friends
Things I'm trying to ignore:
The fact that I may never see him again
The idea that he'll be with someone new soon
Not knowing when my life will take a huge turn again
My family
the urge to call him
the urge to start dating now, out of spite
Things I'm praying will change:
His aspect on life
The feeling that I'm missing a huge part of my life
If he doesn't, then my love for him..soon and very soon (please Lord)
Friends' bad habits that will lead them where they don't want to be, and where I don't want them to end up
My weight..but for the better not worse ;)
Things I pray won't change:
The feeling I now have, that I am doing right
The urge I have to do as much as I can for as many people as I can
His love for me, and vice versa...but only if he still has it
God's mercy and grace he keeps bestowing upon my life
Yeah, I guess thats it for now. |
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shooting star |
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| Long Time Coming |
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| 09:55pm 19/10/2005 |
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mood:  indescribable
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so yeah, me and Brandon are no longer together...anybody surprised? I was...I was shocked and confused and heartbroken for a couple of days, but then I realized...Yeah, I love him, and yeah he loves me..but we'd never work out...not like things are now. I'll miss him and probably for a while, but atleast he cared enough to let me go. He told me that he could never be the guy I wanted him to be, and he didn't want me to live miserably or for him to be filled with guilt because he either did or wanted to do things I despise. So yeah, we would not work out now, Part of me hopes we will later, but I doubt that will happen, Brandon has my heart but I'm already starting to be filled with God's truth of the matter. I feel inspired again and I feel as if I can hear God talking to me. Whereas for a while now it was drowned out by other things, not necessarily him, but just things I put above God. I'm happy to say that I'm not a complete and utter mess...but I am not whole yet, I'll get there slowly, very slowly. I still feel like a huge part of my life is missing, but I believe Mike was right when he told me that maybe this is God telling me to be me and get things straight in my life, rather than making someone else happy. I love the idea of being able to make someone happy. Brandon told me he loved that about me, said I treated him great. That made me feel good. I'm happy to know that I can actually make someone happy. Maybe one day everything will make sense and I'll have the love of my life, whether its Brandon or another.
*sigh* I'll learn..one day |
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shooting star |
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| update: |
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| 12:03am 17/09/2005 |
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mood:  loved
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okay so I work at PRC, with Verizon tech support. Which it is okay, not hte best by far, but its good. (pays well). I want to be promoted really bad, but it hasn't happened yet...I didn't get the force desk position that I was interviewed for..oh well.
Brandon is having a birthday party saturday night..well pretty much EARLY Sunday morning LoL. I'm not going and really wasn't invited. He's doing his 21st birthday party and he didn't want me there, understandably so.
I am going to see Brandon on Sunday. Got him a big bag of stuff, all sorts of random stuff that I think he'll like. I'm going to go get him some more tomorrow. Probably the Aqua Teens dvd's that are out, a build your own car kit, soothing foot lotion (giving him a pedicure).
I really love Brandon...my mom recently ticked me off though, so did my dad too. My mom informed me that she's not sure about Brandon in the sense that she thinks I'm always sad when he's around...and I got to thinking about it, and really when she is around us I am sad sometimes...so maybe she misunderstood it, there is more as to why I'm upset with them both but I don't feel like writing it all out. I love Brandon..I'll leave it at that :) |
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| Does this make sense, to anyone? |
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| 09:29pm 09/08/2005 |
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mood: loved
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I am so deep in love that it makes me feel crazy at times. I want to know everything I can about him, just because I know it will make me love him even more! At the same time I'm scared of him getting to know me better...in fear that he will fall out of love with me. It makes it hard to go through a day without him to atleast talk to. Just hearing his voice soothes my heart. He makes me happier than I have ever been with any human being. Ever time I see him my heart races, every time he holds my hand...I thank God I have him. He makes me smile when things are bad, makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry. I love him so much...and I truly Thank God that he has given me someone as great as him, to love and to be loved by.
"Thank You, God..for putting a good...scratch that..great guy in my life!! I love you Lord and I love the man you've put in my life!"
-The One that is Blessed with Brandon's love. |
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shooting star |
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| Mwah** to my baby |
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| 10:46pm 01/08/2005 |
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mood:  giddy
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Well, I had an AWESOME Weekend! I went to Orlando with Brandon's family and his bro's friend and his other bro's fiance. It was great! His mom rented a room at the Caribe Royale and it had an awesome pool. The pool had a waterfall and a slide. Not just a straight slide but one of those similar to the waterparks. It was fun. We spent pretty much ALL of Sunday swimming. So when I got home this morning at 3am..I was out. I still feel tired..which makes me realize..my age is accelerating (I figured that might sound better, however I'm not sure it does) I just loved it, the hardest part was telling Brandon bye...cuz I just wanted to stay longer. I loved being in Brandon's arms. Its the safest place to me. Cuz even though I know I make him upset at times...I never feel threatened or in a bad place. I love him!
Oh and I have decided to go to nursing school rather than SJRCC. I figure even if it doesn't work out after the first nine months..I'll have an LPN license and can always go to a different school. But I think I'll like it. I want to be a pediatric nurse so I can hang out with kids and help them all at the same time. And really I could be with them and make their hard times better. That would be great. |
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3 wish shooting star |
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| yay another test thingy |
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| 08:58pm 01/08/2005 |
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the Ham
(34% dark, 52% spontaneous, 27% vulgar) |
your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT
Your style's mostly goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 15% on dark |
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You scored higher than 47% on spontaneous |
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You scored higher than 31% on vulgar |
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shooting star |
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| update on me...woo hoo (sarcasm) |
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| 10:07pm 20/07/2005 |
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mood:  tired
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Update On The Life Of Ashley Layne:
I got the job at PRC, I start in August
I went to enroll at SJRCC
but now am considering a nursing career..(weird huh?)
Still haven't heard anything about my Ed Award yet.
I wish Brandon were through with college already
I miss him SO much, its like when I'm around him...
I know I'll be without him soon...and its kinda sad
I got new contacts, the O2 Optix...they are pretty cool
can't tell too much of a difference right now though
However, I am very tired...so my eyes are irritated anyway |
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shooting star |
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| A Personal Prayer, I believe God told me to share. |
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| 09:54pm 20/07/2005 |
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mood: calm
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I don't always understand the paths life takes us down.
I don't know if I'll ever understand the choices some make.
But why should I? I do not need to understand everything.
Everything in this world is guided by the one who knows all.
Yes sometimes we make mistakes and feel like we've messed up.
But God gives us these things to learn from and to make us stronger.
Somethings are harder for us to overcome, but we still perservere.
Life would be dull if we were too scared to try new things.
How can we know the potential our life has, if we never push.
If we never push ourselves to the farthest we can go,
Then we will never truly know what could've been.
I pray, Dear Lord, that I will never give up.
And that I will always look to you with the choices I make.
That I may steer clear of rocks and stumbling blocks
And Keep my eyes on you, the true northern star.
My God, You are the only one who never stops believing in me.
The only one who forgives me of all my mistakes,
And who forgets them just the same.
The only one who loves me no matter what crazy things I do.
The only one who can bend my stubborn mind to new things.
Please never stop pushing me to be more
Never stop telling me that I am yours
Never stop forgiving me, for this lets me know that
I still have a chance of doing good.
Help me to show your love to all those around me.
Help me to be transparent to your glory,
So that others can see right through me
And into your amazing presence.
I love you Lord, and I pray that I will always be yours.
~My prayer daily to You, My Father, My Lord, My Everything. |
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dazational's journal
